There are No Preferences only Prejudices

Only dating white women to the exclusion of black women if you are black is not a preference – it’s prejudice. And I for one a sick and tired of those who continue to claim this. If shutting out women who look like you were truly a preference, then you would not feel the need to bad mouth them. I prefer a man be taller than me, but I would not kick a man out of bed for eating crackers if he weren’t. Big difference.

Men who “prefer” anything that’s not black are self-hating, period. Let’s call it what it is. They have sadly internalized cultural messages that blackness is undesirable, inferior, ugly. Particularly in women. When the beauty ideal is Caucasian, successful men -and even not so successful men - who feel entitled to the best will seek those women who embody the ideal.

This is why yours truly shuns the standard of beauty to which she and countless women feel pressured to aspire. What does this mean? Celebrating my curves and not trying to run off every ounce of ass I have (no I’m not fat, 5’4” and 120 lbs), not wearing weaves or straightening my hair, and not wearing colored contacts.

Black women, if you are honest with yourselves, you know you should stop trying to emulate women who don’t look like us. You don’t have to look mestizo or Caucasian to be beautiful. Look no further than Lauren Hill and Erika Badu. We are beautiful women; we are the first women. Sorry to get all Afrocentric on you, but until we accept our own beauty, love it, nurture it we will always be seen as less-than.

If you are straightening your hair, weaving yourself up within an inch of your life, wearing wigs, and don’t want to deal with your nappturally curly hair - its not just a preference. It’s a form of self-hatred. It’s an implicit acknowledgement that women with straight, flowing hair are more beautiful.

As we celebrate black history month, let’s reaffirm our worth by facing our “preferences “for what they truly are – internalized prejudice and vow to do better by the next generation. Remember the rallying cry of the 60s: Black is Beautiful? We need to revisit it and believe in it.