Your shyness is not the enemy

Your shyness is not an enemy.  So states an article Psych Central.  According to them, if you treat your shyness like it's a foe you have to wrestle to the ground it will only stress you out more when, say, you go balls out on a relaxation technique and it just doesn't help much.  Apparently 4 out of 5 shrinks think you're better off accepting your anxiety, thoughts and feelings.

From my experience this is true.  Even non-shy people feel butterflies from time to time when they need to speak to someone in authority or talk up in a meeting or everyone's worst nightmare- speak in front of a big group *shudder*.

That being the case though, I would advise against telling people you're shy unless you're demonstratively, stereotypically shy as I explained in this post

Otherwise, accept your shyness.  It's not that terrible.  Supposedly about half of all adults consider themselves shy, and that includes a lot of famous people

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Shyness is a personality trait.  Extreme shyness, a.k.a. social anxiety disorder, is something that requires a good therapist.  You may find over time that you are less shy if it's just garden variety shyness.  In any case, you can learn to live with it and thrive.  REMEMBER: there is nothing the matter with being shy to the extent that it does not seriously curtail your life.

Look at me, I was super shy in junior high school all the way through college.  I mean I literally could not hold a conversation or make eye contact.  Over time by being forced out by my boyfriend I floundered hard in social situations until little by little with frequent exposure I became less anxious.  The severe butterflies went away, but I was still awkward and struggled at conversation.  That's when I got heavy into research and finding books that could help me and therapists that could help me like Dr. Renee Gilbert.  She used to be shy herself and conducted social skills classes.


Today while I am still shy (and introverted, too) I did manage to finish school, get a job, get a husband and a tiny circle of friends.  Acceptance was huge.  I don't think I would have made it this far if I didn't stop cursing and hating my shyness.  Some of us are shy, some of us are loud-mouthed bold people and some of us are loud-mouthed bold people in writing. Whatever your deal, respect yourself.


It takes all kinds. 

 https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=respect+yourself

To Many Employers Introvert is a dirty word

  

This is an excerpt of a recent article I found (OK, it came from Google Search) about how "introvert" is thought of as a dirty word when it comes to employment and hiring.  Fancy That.  The writer is Renee DeCosky, and here’s what she has to say:

“Plenty of people talk about introversion like it’s an unattractive quality and some affliction that can’t be overcome. The truth is that introverts are just fueled differently than extroverts. We’re in our own heads quite often. The quieter we are, the more we’re thinking and generating ideas. It’s not that we don’t know or don’t “get it,” but we’re just considering all avenues. It’s not that we can’t work with clients, but that we like to think about our approach first. And it’s certainly not that we hate being around others and prefer only to work alone. In fact, I find that working as part of a small team can actually boost my “introvert superpowers.”

I agreed with her up until the last part.  I  prefer to work alone, but that's because I’m an intuitive and most people seem to be sensors.  This can be very frustrating; however, that’s another topic for another day.

Apparently lots of employees think introverts have nothing meaningful to contribute because they’re quiet or that they won’t fit in because they’re quiet.  This is balderdash, particularly when it comes to introverts who are not shy.  As we know, people confuse the two personality types consistently.

As a mixture of both, I have had my share of challenges interviewing for and keeping jobs.  Mostly it’s been due to my shyness – not seeming comfortable in social situations or passively waiting to be asked questions instead of truly participating in a discussion. Also, just plain social inexperience - not knowing what to say or how to act at certain points during an exchange.

Some of my problems with getting or keeping jobs have come down to my introversion and needing that time to process before answering or not seeming “enthusiastic,” which I’m convinced is another word for "extroverted."  I mean, is it really necessary to act like a cheerleader on cocaine to be an office jockey?

What’s so terrible about being an introvert?  Surely we have something to contribute to the workplace.  Ms. McCosky thinks so.  She offers up these three reasons to hire introverts:

1. Introverts think before they speak.

Every day there’s a story in the media of an employee (typically an extrovert) who does or says something to throw their company into a bad light, and the gaffe usually occurs on Facebook or Twitter.  How many careers do you suppose social networking sites have sunk? The truth is introverts are less likely to make off-the-cuff remarks or say things that can be misconstrued.  It's simply not our nature. We think through the consequences, and that’s why we generally  think before we open our pie holes.

2. Later on, introverts continue to generate ideas.

As people that like to take in information and ruminate on it, it’s only natural that some of an introvert’s best ideas come after the meeting or brainstorming session.  I’m thankful that my current boss is attuned to how introverts operate and their strengths they bring to the table. He wisely invites me to feel free to e-mail any cool ideas I might come up to him following a meeting.

3. Strategy is an Introvert thing.

Introverts are head cases, in a good way; as in we’re in our heads a lot, thinking about stuff and how we can approach and do stuff.  Because of this, many of us excel at strategy or can teach ourselves to excel at it.  For employers who need someone to weigh pros and cons or play Devil’s Advocate, an introvert is an excellent hire.  

Bottom line: Introverts can do as well on the job as any extrovert, and often excel in ways extroverts can’t.  We can also be successful in jobs typically the domain of extroverts, we only need to learn how to recognize and hone our strengths and then sell those strengths.

Recommended Books on Career and Business Success for Innies:

The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership, Lisa Petrilli ( eBook)

Why Should Extroverts Make all the Money? Frederica J. Balzano (Paperback)

The Successful Introvert: How to Enhance Your Job Search and Advance Your Career, Wendy Gelberg (paper back)

Self-Promotion for Introverts®: Get Heard More. Even If You Talk Less, Nancy Ancowitz (eBook)

Ambivert, Shambivert. You’re either an innie or an outie! Period. End of Story.

Some people claim to be both introverted and extroverted but they’re full of shit! You’re one or you’re the other. Period. End of Story. It’s chemical - as in your brain chemicals. That means unless there’s a pill that rebalances your chemicals so you reach some neurochemical ambivert nirvana, you’re an innie or an outie.

You can certainly be a strong, medium, or low introvert or extrovert but just because you are an extrovert who likes downtime to read a book or an introvert who likes to party (like yours truly), doesn’t mean you’re some mutant offspring of both. I think when people say they’re both it’s because they are confusing introversion with shyness or extroversion with being a loud, party animal. One has little to do with the other. It's about how you prefer to face the world and how you draw, for lack of a better phrase, your psychic energy.  Extroverts need people and activities outside of themselves to feel alive and energized and Introverts need alone time and solitary activity to feel the same.

I would class myself as a medium introvert. I like a party where there’s food, dancing, or some type of activity which does not center on small talk, but the people and the activities don't energize me in the way they would an extrovert. Simply put: no after party. I was at the party, it was fun, and now there’s that thing called sleep I need to attend to. I seriously don’t need to stay until the last person stumbles out.

I also don’t mind, if I’m rested and in the mood, chatting up a stranger or two. I like people just fine, contrary to what some think (sadly my extroverted significant other thought I was a complete misanthrope until I set him straight). I just don’t need to engage them 24/7. Talking and hanging out is not my raison d’être. If I did that all the time, when would I read, draw, write or enjoy the movies? Exactly.

New Blog Feature: WTF? Oh Really? with The Shytrovert

Today I’m introducing a new feature on The Shytrovert blog. I’m calling it WTF? Oh Really? with The Shytrovert It will feature some of the un-effing-believable things I’ve come across on the interwebs about shy and introverted individuals. My first WTF? Oh Really? is an oldie but goodie from Yahoo Answers, a.k.a. the Headquarters of WTFs. My remarks are in italics. Here goes:


Do shy people deserve to live in our society?
It's shocking to see such introverted/dumb, boring psychopaths living in today's progressive, open-minded society. (Oh the irony) They have got no life and set a bad example on others. They are misfits in this world.

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

…these introverted "dumb" and "boring" psychopaths are the people working in the background. just because they're not up front and in your face doesn't mean they're not there.

famous introverts:

Einstein, Jane Goodall, Eisenhower, Marie Curie, Ghandi, Mozart, Speilberg... all of these people have contributed to society, hell, the WORLD, in ways that you would never even come close to if you keep holding your judgmental (and hateful) beliefs.

Now, there are plenty of non-famous introverts out there working as engineers, science researches, and analysts who are making quiet contributions to our society.

Introverts learn by observation, and thus have far more understanding than you obviously do.

Introverts do have a life. Unlike extroverts, who have a wide group of acquaintances, introverts prefer to a have a small group of very close friends. These friends and family mean the world to the introverts.

Just because someone doesn't fit in to YOUR definition of "normal", doesn't mean they deserve to die. They aren't misfits and make up 50% of the population. Introverts are normal, functioning members of society who, just because of their preference of solitary activities to constantly being with people, don't ever deserve to be looked down upon.

Do some research before you run your mouth off. Google "introvert".

Yeah! That response, by a rightfully indignant introvert I assume, deserves a 10 on a scale of 1 – 10 for absolute scorching BURN. Ouch.

I'm So Quiet? We'll You're So Rude!

GRRRR!!! If there’s anything that gets under a shytrovert’s skin more it’s the phrase “you’re so quiet” or its equally annoying variant, “why are you so quiet?” I mean seriously! Not only are these questions rude, but they’re like asking someone “why are you so red headed?” or “why are you so black/white/Asian?” The horror of this is there never seems to be a decent enough comeback at the ready (shytroverts don’t think quickly on their feet and would be too afraid of sounding harsh even if they could). Luckily, what we lack in quickness as shytroverts we make up for with the introverted skill of reflection and writing ability. Using mine, I came up with a list of one-liners ranging from mild to spicy that I can toss out at the rude and clueless (extroverts). One-liners with asterisks have been real-world tested by yours truly.



1. It’s my ninja training: old habits die hard.


2. I was sent to Earth to observe.*


3. Well, somebody has to be the designated listener!


4. It’s easier to hear myself think.


5. I guess the cat got my tongue; I’m still waiting to get it back.


6. Oh, do you really think so? I’ve been practicing so hard!


7. Keep talking, I'm writing a book.*

8. I'm plotting a world-wide take over*

9. I don’t like to question God’s wisdom on such matters.


10. That’s very astute of you!


11. I am? Thanks for pointing that out!


12. Wow! Sherlock Holmes has nothing on you!


13. Nothing gets past you, does it?


14. That’s a conundrum wrapped in a riddle and dipped in an enigma.


15. Must be a good reason; God doesn’t make mistakes.


16. I read somewhere that about 30% of all people are quiet.


17. When I figure it out, I’ll get back to you.


18. Are you serious?


19. What do you mean, quiet?


20. Care to elaborate?


21. I am? Please, tell me how I can change!


22. If my shrink couldn’t figure it out, I’m sure I don’t know!


23. I'm saving my voice for primal scream week. Oh, you never heard of it?


24. I have a rare condition called introvertstendtobequietitis.


25. Why do you have blue/brown/gray/green eyes/ten digits/two ears?


Now it’s your turn. Let me know what you think. Do you have some zingers or comebacks to share that you’ve either used or want to use?