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I am The Shytrovert a proud, moderately shy INFP and this is my blog. I write about society, relationships, current events and how shy and introverted folks can cope in an extroverted world.


Should you admit to people you are shy?

Various shyness experts around the blogosphere have suggested that if you’re a shy person you should admit this to others so as to avoid the misconception that you are aloof, unfriendly, or antisocial. However, given the propensity of folks to view shyness as a negative, how good an idea is this really? In my own experience, I have found it better to been seen as a snobby bitch-on-wheels than a weak, shrinking violet and potential pushover. Dr. Renee Gilbert, a Psychologist working out of Bellevue, Wash., has an intriguing perspective on the controversial issue of whether shy people should reveal or conceal. Here are her thoughts:

Your typical not-so-obvious shy woman 
“I think the problem arises because there are two ways to be shy--the obvious way and the not so obvious way. The obvious way to be shy is to blush, tremble, twitch or otherwise physically manifest your shyness. The not so obvious way is to avoid eye contact with people, not have much to say or decline offers from others you'd like to accept, but that are too far outside of your comfort zone for you to feel comfortable attending.

Not so obvious shy people are often mistaken as arrogant or aloof--even by fellow shy people--when nothing could be farther from the truth. We're terrified on the inside. It's just that we don't show it on the outside. Now granted, if you're a not so obvious shy person in the middle of a crucial business negotiation where power is everything, you may not want to admit to being shy. In fact, in this one case, your shyness may prove to be an asset. Why not keep them guessing? Or, if you're hanging around people who are known to be bullies or gossips--people who are likely to misuse the information--you may want to keep your shyness to yourself. The good news is that most people aren't like that. Most people are relieved to hear that you're shy. You see, odds are that unless they have a reason to know better, most people will interpret your not so obvious shyness as a sign of arrogance or being stuck up, or simply as a sign that you don't like them...

Your eyes are not deceiving you; I'm shy.
But if you are an obvious shy person, there's no need to hide your shyness. Let's face it. The word is already out. Trying to ignore your shyness only makes you and the people around you uncomfortable. Labeling your shyness makes things easier for people because they don't have to pretend they're not seeing what they're seeing. They don't have to avoid making eye contact with you, because they see you're uncomfortable. They don't have to exclude you from the conversation, because they see that your hands are trembling. By telling people you're shy, you've told them that you want to be a part of what's going on and that it's OK if they notice you're a little uncomfortable. And that helps them feel more comfortable, too.”

Source: http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/

So, there it is. If you're a not-so-obvious shy person, like yours truly, keep it to yourself. If you're obviously shy, may as well fess up. 

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