About Me

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Pacific Northwest, United States
I am The Shytrovert a proud, moderately shy INFP and this is my blog. I write about society, relationships, current events and how shy and introverted folks can cope in an extroverted world.


Ambivert, Shambivert. You’re either an innie or an outie! Period. End of Story.

Some people claim to be both introverted and extroverted but they’re full of shit! You’re one or you’re the other. Period. End of Story. It’s chemical - as in your brain chemicals. That means unless there’s a pill that rebalances your chemicals so you reach some neurochemical ambivert nirvana, you’re an innie or an outie.

You can certainly be a strong, medium, or low introvert or extrovert but just because you are an extrovert who likes downtime to read a book or an introvert who likes to party (like yours truly), doesn’t mean you’re some mutant offspring of both. I think when people say they’re both it’s because they are confusing introversion with shyness or extroversion with being a loud, party animal. One has little to do with the other. It's about how you prefer to face the world and how you draw, for lack of a better phrase, your psychic energy.  Extroverts need people and activities outside of themselves to feel alive and energized and Introverts need alone time and solitary activity to feel the same.

I would class myself as a medium introvert. I like a party where there’s food, dancing, or some type of activity which does not center on small talk, but the people and the activities don't energize me in the way they would an extrovert. Simply put: no after party. I was at the party, it was fun, and now there’s that thing called sleep I need to attend to. I seriously don’t need to stay until the last person stumbles out.

I also don’t mind, if I’m rested and in the mood, chatting up a stranger or two. I like people just fine, contrary to what some think (sadly my extroverted significant other thought I was a complete misanthrope until I set him straight). I just don’t need to engage them 24/7. Talking and hanging out is not my raison d’être. If I did that all the time, when would I read, draw, write or enjoy the movies? Exactly.

New Blog Feature: WTF? Oh Really? with The Shytrovert

Today I’m introducing a new feature on The Shytrovert blog. I’m calling it WTF? Oh Really? with The Shytrovert It will feature some of the un-effing-believable things I’ve come across on the interwebs about shy and introverted individuals. My first WTF? Oh Really? is an oldie but goodie from Yahoo Answers, a.k.a. the Headquarters of WTFs. My remarks are in italics. Here goes:

Do shy people deserve to live in our society?
It's shocking to see such introverted/dumb, boring psychopaths living in today's progressive, open-minded society. (Oh the irony) They have got no life and set a bad example on others. They are misfits in this world.

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

…these introverted "dumb" and "boring" psychopaths are the people working in the background. just because they're not up front and in your face doesn't mean they're not there.

famous introverts:

Einstein, Jane Goodall, Eisenhower, Marie Curie, Ghandi, Mozart, Speilberg... all of these people have contributed to society, hell, the WORLD, in ways that you would never even come close to if you keep holding your judgmental (and hateful) beliefs.

Now, there are plenty of non-famous introverts out there working as engineers, science researches, and analysts who are making quiet contributions to our society.

Introverts learn by observation, and thus have far more understanding than you obviously do.

Introverts do have a life. Unlike extroverts, who have a wide group of acquaintances, introverts prefer to a have a small group of very close friends. These friends and family mean the world to the introverts.

Just because someone doesn't fit in to YOUR definition of "normal", doesn't mean they deserve to die. They aren't misfits and make up 50% of the population. Introverts are normal, functioning members of society who, just because of their preference of solitary activities to constantly being with people, don't ever deserve to be looked down upon.

Do some research before you run your mouth off. Google "introvert".

Yeah! That response, by a rightfully indignant introvert I assume, deserves a 10 on a scale of 1 – 10 for absolute scorching BURN. Ouch.


If You're Skeevy and You Know It...

One of the biggest complaints women have about their men is how they perv on other women when they go out. Some men even go to insane lengths to get a glimpse at a woman they feel is hot and Ask.Men.com decided to hand these fellows even more techniques for their ogling pleasure: http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/132_dating_advice.html

Just disgusting. Anyway, this writer pinpoints just why staring down other women is not in a man’s best interest unless he wants to stay single:

A Message to Men Who Can't Help or Refuse to Stop Looking

First of all, let me say that I fully understand human nature and the urge to look at people, attractive or otherwise, male or female, striking and/or strange. The issue is not looking per say, but gawking, continually looking, or turning your whole body to watch as the other person strolls away.

If you have a significant other, needless to say, you should not be engaging in this behavior whether she is around or not. Why? Because it sends several messages, none of which are positive.

Such behavior shows:

• That you are untrustworthy

• That you have no respect for your significant other or her feelings

• That you are disrespectful of your relationship in general

• That you are single and still looking.

Finally, such behavior begs the question - why do you even have a significant other? You agreed to limit yourself to one sexual interest, after all. Besides, you can avoid a lot of fights by not ogling every woman within eyesight. Yes, men are visual creatures; you're attached but not dead, and so on. But believe it or not, it is possible to glance without being so obvious. You can at least learn to turn off the girl-dar when you're out and about with your woman. You and I both know that you really don't only have eyes for her, but why not pretend that you do? This will do wonders for your intimate life together. Believe me.

Read the full article here: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2352856/why_you_should_tame_your_wandering_pg2.html?cat=41


Nail. Hit. Head. 7 Misconceptions About Introverts from Dr. Irene S. Levine

a.k.a. The Friendship Doctor at http://www.Huffingtonpost.com

Does Dr. Levine know her Introverts or what? Here’s her insightful article lifted from the Huffington Post, one of my favorite sites to lurk in. Enjoy:

We Don’t Like Crowds

Yeah, they suck.

We're Not Antisocial. We don't hate people. We like people, especially people we like. Just not a lot of them all at once. That doesn't make us potential serial killers.

Don’t Tell Us To Smile
Wednesday's smile is full of woe.
Don't make her smile

"People tend to assume that if you're not grinning like an idiot all the time you're unhappy," wrote one reader. "As an introvert I don't always wear my emotions on my sleeve--or on my face."

We Do So Know How to Have Fun

Reading is fun...damental

But it so happens that what you're doing doesn't look like fun to us. See us sitting in an armchair reading? Hiking a quiet mountain trail? Drinking morning coffee in an empty house? That is top-of-the-line fun to us. Oh, and sometimes we have lot of fun watching you all have fun. Really. Go, dance, have a good time. We'll serve punch. We might even smile.

Don’t Try to Drag Us
This time it will be fun, not like the 100 other times you didn't think would be fun...

Especially when you're dealing with adults, you can assume that we already know what we do and don't enjoy. If we say no (and this applies beyond the dance floor) grabbing our arms and whining, "Oh, come on," or "It will be fun," (see above) does not endear you to us.

We’re Quiet Not Dead

How the typical extrovert views the typical introvert

Here's a bone-chilling introvert tale: "I was with a boyfriend at a party once and he and his boss were discussing personality types at the office...Type A, Type B...," wrote a reader. "And then he turned to me and said 'So you are, what, a type D?' 'What do you mean?' 'Well...you are practically comatose here.'"
We Have Personality and Passion
Simma. Down. Now.

We just don't have the need or desire to throw it all out there. If you want to know us, quiet down and see what happens.

Sarah Palin is Dumb – and the GOP are wackadoodles - Why Are We Still Talking About them?

Today I was reading on CNN about Sarah Palin and how her leadership is wrong on the question of a 911 Mosque. First of all, combining her name anywhere near the word leadership is wrong even though she’s right about the 911 Mosque thing. Moron’s luck I guess. No offense meant whatever to morons. I guess we have to pay attention to wing nut from Wasilla because she is a leading light in one of our two major political parties. How sad is that? But I swear every time I hear from her or any of these other morons on the far right I feel like I’m actually living in the movie Idiocracy. I mean, seriously? These people have so much power that they can with impunity spout pure venom and hatred from the airwaves 24/7 and never ever be called on it. Well, the NAACP spoke up about the tea party. By the way, the tea party is a GOP generated publicity stunt. Read about it here. http://jeffrey-feldman.typepad.com/frameshop/2009/02/tea-party-movement-planned-months-ago-by-gop-billionaires.html

So what do you think about Palin and her ilk? Do you think the Republicans have a good humor bar’s chance in hell of winning the upcoming elections.

Women Dressing Appropriately – what does that mean exactly?

I get so sick of hearing about women who don’t know what to wear now that they’ve turned whatever milestone age, be it 20, 40 or 50.  I’m also equally fed up with the idea that you need to be perfectly skinny like a Lara Flynn Boyle or somebody to wear cute, fashionable clothes.
Appropriate only because she's built like a 12-year-old.
I say wear what you enjoy, within reason. That is, adult women shouldn’t dress like teeny boppers or sluts. Speaking of which, why do they market slutty clothes to teenagers? What’s up with these short, short, shorts? Tiny shorts and miniskirts should not be worn by anyone with secondary sexual characteristics unless they are on stage – and sometimes even that is questionable.

Case and point.
When I see a girl in short, short, shorts or a miniskirt up to her pubic bone I think of street walking, I honestly do. On a little girl, a tiny skirt or itty bitty shorts is adorable. On someone who is fully developed it just looks obscene. What's weird is how older women often clamor to wear these in your face sexual togs. Why? I believe in the old saw that a woman's clothes should be tight enough to show she’s a woman but loose enough to show she’s a lady. And that’s all that needs to be said on the issue of appropriate dressing for women aged 21 and above, in my humble opinion, of course.
Appropriate and adorable.

Americans are Doughy, Fat Slobs and Why is No Mystery!

Americans are fat because we eat too much and move too little. That’s it, and that’s all. How many of us make chips, soda, and cookies part of our weekly grocery shopping? How many of us hardly eat any fruits or vegetables or eat out all the time (restaurants are notorious for large portions and high-calorie counts). We can sit down and watch hours of TV, but we won’t walk around the freaking block; and we wonder why our waistlines keep growing. It’s not a mystery.

Do this: find out what a portion size is and cut back. Add fruit and vegetables to every meal. Drink more water and walk around your neighborhood after dinner or before work for twenty minutes every day. See what happens. I can tell you from personal experience what’s going to happen: that weight is going to fall right off.

When I started on Weight Watchers® seven years ago now, and started walking on the treadmill every day -not three days a week (that’s for people who are already in shape) – I went from weighing 195 lbs (size 16) to weighing 135 lbs (size 6/8). My cholesterol dropped like a stone, my stomach muscles became visible, and suddenly I had arms of envy like Michelle Obama. All that from cutting back on my food intake, walking, and lifting weights several times a week.

As a nation we need to get off our lazy, gluttonous butts and lose weight.

Alvin Green – may not be the dummy he seems

Introvert Alvin “the turtle” Green has shook SC politics to its foundations and confounded the nation. Like many introverts and shy people, he was assumed to be an idiot because he was quiet, but now it’s come to pass that he is far from a dummy. The man is a former military intelligence office and has a degree in political science. He says he is looking forward to a debate against his Republican challenger, and I am looking forward to that debate as well. I’m betting that The Turtle is going to totally eviscerate - figuratively speaking of course – his opponent. I don’t know about you fellow, Shytroverts, but I’ll be keeping tabs on The Turtle.

Really?! 60% of married men and 40% of married women are disloyal a**hats

Personally, I have a zero policy for cheating, also known as infidelity. If my husband were to cheat on me, that would be the end of our relationship, period. If he stepped out on me, I wouldn’t want to work on rebuilding trust or whatever other BS issues he has. What’s to work out? He has already shown me that gratifying his “little friend” is more important than my feelings or our relationship.

The bottom line is this: cheating shows lack of respect and lack of integrity. It is a more serious offense than people give it credit for. Think about it: you are lying to a person you pledged to love, putting them in danger of heart break, emotional turmoil, venereal disease (there are diseases that condoms will not block and which are incurable). All this so you can get hot and heavy with someone else. Like the old saw goes a second of pleasure for a lifetime of pain. And talk about draaaama. Who needs it?

It is natural to be attracted to other people; but if you make a commitment to one person you should honor that - so set boundaries with your opposite sex friends and acquaintances. If you can’t or you won’t - for the love of all that’s right and good - don’t pledge fidelity to one person. Stay single or find someone who also wants the option of sleeping with and/or dating others.

Very few things in life are black or white – but be assured of this: CHEATING is WRONG, as in morally reprehensible. Only a complete a**hat enters into a relationship and then changes the rules mid way without their partner’s consent or knowledge. I have absolutely no respect for those who cheat.

If you find yourself in a relationship that is not working for you, have the courage (a.k.a. cajones or balls) to talk to your partner so you can decide what to do as a couple. Cheating robs your partner of choices while you have all the choices. This is unfair, disrespectful, and is the opposite of love or respect. Face it: you are acting on your own selfish desires. No matter what anybody says or whatever silly justifications the depraved human mind can dream up, there is absolutely no justification for cheating. NONE. You are always free to leave a relationship.

How to Talk to Quiet People

So you know a real nice, quiet person that you’d like to get to know. How best to approach them? First, you need to know which type of quiet person you’re dealing with. Is this person a shy extrovert who actually wants a lot of friends, longs to be social but is afraid? Or is this person an introvert who is not particularly interested in talking to a lot of people and may just not be in the mood and/or irritated by your overtures? OR is this a shy and introverted person (shytrovert) who feels anxiety when speaking to others because they lack skill, have poor self-esteem, or may just not be in the mood and/or irritated by your overtures?
Hard to know, right? Either way, quiet people typically do not like to be the center of attention. They also don’t like to be pitied. I can of course only speak for myself, being the third type of quiet person (shy + introverted – they are not synonyms) hence my web handle The Shytrovert. Don’t ever make a big deal out of me being quiet and/or shy. I FUCKING HATE THAT. It’s embarrassing and makes me feel like a freak in a side show. Don’t rush at me with a million personal questions, either. Extroverts are good at that. They want to get to know you - and know you now - because they are comfortable with strangers and love meeting new people. They get their energy from that. As an introvert, I don’t. And as a shy person, I’m not immediately comfortable with people I don’t know. A stranger isn’t a friend I haven’t made yet. They’re a drain on my precious energy stores. Getting to know me is a slow process and is best done incrementally.
The preferred way to get to know me is to do something with me and let the conversation flow from that. Like most introverts, I detest small talk. Not because I’m some super brilliant intellectual who looks down on people who enjoy it, but because frankly I find it to be mundane, forced and awkward. Like most people, I don't enjoy feeling awkward. Plus, like many shy and introverted folk, it’s not exactly my forte. Extroverts who want to talk with me often find I’m an easier shy person to get to know than most. This wasn’t always the case. When I was younger I had no clue about social skills –I didn’t know how to start or sustain a conversation –I was also too anxiety ridden to talk to anyone above a whisper. Time, therapy, and social skills training have helped a lot.
If you are dealing with an extremely shy type of quiet person, you may be better off just being polite and non-threatening. That means NOT jumping all over that person with questions and chatter or being all weirded out because they can’t finish a conversation. They simply may not have the skills to interact in the way you want. Just let it be. Just smile and say something like, "I enjoyed talking with you." Do not be sarcastic. Be kind and sincere. No pressure. Over time, when they see that you’re nice and not some pushy extrovert who is out to make them feel horrible about themselves, they may open up to you.