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Pacific Northwest, United States
I am The Shytrovert a proud, moderately shy INFP and this is my blog. I write about society, relationships, current events and how shy and introverted folks can cope in an extroverted world.

8/2/10

I Hate Shy People? WTF? Really?!

Okay. Wow. This is another WTF? Oh, Really? This time from Facebook (I know, not Facebook! You would never find something like that there!). The page is called "I Hate Shy People (It's just rude) Some of us make an effort!"

As if countless shy people don’t make an effort just leaving the house every day. Un-effing-believable. Here’s the desciption for the page, unedited:

"I hate shy people. It is socialy rude. Everyone is shy but most of us make an effort to overcome this. However why should someone be allowed to be rude because they are shy?! I hate that 'Oh don't mind them they are just shy' Just Fucking rudethats waht they are. If your too shy to talk become a monk dont go out stay in your room."

You know what? I “hate” people that can barely spell, but do you see me devoting a Facebook page to that? While this poster has it right when they say everyone is shy - that’s in certain situations. Completely different from having generalized shyness and/or social anxiety – where a person feels consistently shy. So sorry, whoever wrote the asinine ‘I hate shy people’ page, but shy people are racked with anxiety nearly all of the time and find it difficult and scary to speak in many situations. They aren’t trying to be rude to you. And they probably are making the effort. That’s why they’re at your stupid party.

It should go without saying, but me remind you: all types of people are rude. Nobody has a corner on rudeness. So why not a Facebook page devoted to how much you hate rude people? We can all relate to that, and since nobody takes pride in being rude, nobody gets offended.  Shy people are not synonymous with rude people.

As a shy person you know what I hate? Outgoing people who think that quiet people are rude just by virtue of being quiet as opposed to being loud, non-stop talking machines. I also hate ignorant fools who create ridiculous Facebook pages saying they hate a whole class of people who can’t help the fact that they are shy and accusing those same people of “not making an effort.”

For years I made the effort to be polite, to say hi, to speak up, to talk more about myself.  But my efforts were NEVER rewarded by more outgoing people who still wanted to harp on how quiet I was! It seemed like for them, whatever efforts I made were never good enough. Well here's a breaking news bulletin: some people are shy and quiet and that’s just the way it is. They are not being rude just because they are not exactly like you, Mr. or Mrs. Extrovert-Without-a-Clue. Nor were they put on this Earth to stroke your fragile little extroverted ego with non-stop jabber. Get the fuck over it.

20 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:00 AM

    AMEN...I hate outgoing people who think you're a weirdo just because you don't flap your gums 24/7 about stuff no one cares about hearing anyway.

    I'm going to be myself, and people can accept it or not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. another introvert12:30 PM

      I couldn't agree more. Therefore, I'm proud to be an introvert.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous7:07 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous11:20 AM

      In return, shy people hate you. I'm sometimes shy. But who cares?

      Let shy people be. If not, they could get back at you.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous4:00 AM

      Fuck you piece of shit

      Delete
    3. Anonymous12:23 PM

      at the Anonymous of posted at 4:00 AM:

      Did you reply to the Anonymous who posted at 7:07 AM or the one who posted at 11:20 AM? I sure hope you were responding to that first Anonymous and not the second.

      Delete
    4. introverts rule5:49 PM

      you hate shy people, dumbass? then get the hell outta here! this article wasn't made for anti-shy people. didn't you see what The Shytrovert posted about your kind?

      as for you Anonymous who posted at 4:00 AM, if you typed, "Fuck you piece of shit," to the Anonymous who posted at 11:20 AM, then right back at you.

      if you're reading this Shytrovert, i commend you for taking the initiative to make an article against those people who shy people. in other words, i salute you for supporting shy people and showing those small-minded anti-shy jerks who's boss.

      if you ask me, i'm sick of extroverts antagonizing introverts for being who they are. i mean, being shy isn't a very bad thing and neither is introversion.

      also, could you please delete the post of the Anonymous who posted at 7:07 AM? after all, this is your blog and you did make this article against anti-shy people.

      p.s. take care, fellow introvert.

      Delete
  3. Anonymous10:04 AM

    "..Outgoing people who think that quiet people are rude just by virtue of being quiet as opposed to being loud, non-stop talking machines. I also hate ignorant fools who create ridiculous Facebook pages saying they hate a whole class of people who can’t help the fact that they are shy and accusing those same people of 'not making an effort.' "

    AGREED.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous11:20 AM

      Same here.

      Delete
    2. Ellie3:34 AM

      I don't mind outgoing people who actually have something to say. But unfortunately, most of the extroverts I meet just talk continuously about complete and utter rubbish that no one cares about. If they spent just an hour a day shutting up and actually listening to other people, then they might learn something and have something of value to talk about. I'm not shy myself (I guess I fall somewhere in the middle - more than happy giving presentations, debating, going to parties, etc), but if I had to choose between a shy colleague and a loud one, I would always go with the former.

      I now have the misfortune of sitting next to a VERY loud person at work (constant chatter, very loud voice, very bossy and opinionated) and since the work we do is very detailed-orientated and requires sustained focus, it is near impossible to get anything of value done while at the office. I now have to wait until lunchtime, after hours or work from home to get things completed (which I am not paid for). Or make sure we never have the same days off, so I can make use of the time when they are not at work. It has massively decreased my productivity and accuracy, but as we are so short on staff, it is very unlikely that they will be pulled up on it (plus, other employees don't have to sit at the next desk so I doubt it affects them). I constantly ask them to lower their voice a bit, but it only lasts a minute or so and they are near-shouting again. This person would be very well suited to a job requiring talking skills (sales, customer service, acting, etc), so I am really hoping they will move on to a more suitable job once the economy picks up and both of us will benefit.

      Delete
    3. Ellie3:48 AM

      I've just realised my above rant makes it sound as though I hate ALL extroverts. I don't. I am overly-stressed right now due to my current working conditions. However, I do believe you can be talkative and intelligent (although generally this type of extrovert knows when to be loud or quiet, so isn't difficult to get along with). Extreme extroverts are also needed in many roles - I could never be a great salesperson. I could talk for maybe an hour or so continuously, but to do it 24/7 as a career would be exhausting after a while.

      I think the issue (for people on either side of the spectrum) is when an individual is an ill-suited role/situation, either socially or career-wise. It's noticeable. The shy people coming across as rude at a party full of loud people, or an extrovert talking non-stop and distracting people trying to focus on a difficult task. Either situation is psychologically-jarring to both parties.

      Delete
    4. Oh, yeah. The Loud Mouth. Good times. I've often wondered why some extroverts talks so damn loud. Are they deaf? It's a shame that because of this bullhorn of a human being you have to come in after hours just to get some work done. Would it help to complain? I'm sure you can't be the only one going home with your ears ringing everyday.

      Delete
  4. I like that you made sure to be specific and didn't attack all extroverted people, that's a really nice quality to have :) I'm outgoing myself, but not to the point where I come off as ignorant and rude, or not understanding. I cam across this, because I was searching the web because my boyfriend is quiet shy, and I wanted to know how to make him feel more comfortable, so that I don't accidentally say or act in a certain why that, idk, makes him feel like I'm judging him, But anyways (sorry, y'all didn't need to know my life story) I think it's rude in turn for them to make such an assumpteous group like this, and anyone who likes it is not worth your words :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have had many wonderful extroverts in my life, so I guess I'm lucky that way. That's why I wouldn't attack them all. They're people like us. My very best friend is a talk all day extro who is one of the few folks on EARTH who loves me not only as I am, but for who I am. She admires my "quiet strength."

      Delete
  5. Anonymous11:34 AM

    Being a shy person myself i have always thought loudmouths are
    rude because the never know when to shut up and they always
    become the sneak which i find extroverts are? they cover them selfs
    with there loudmouth way ,so there shy people always know when to shut up
    ''and if we where all loud then the world would be mad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with your assessment. Loud people are extremely rude, but they are rarely called out for it and people don't tend to dislike them. They may dislike the behavior, but they tend to separate that behavior from the person. I've never seen anyone say I hate loud people! But somehow they hate shy people who are quiet and typically keep to themselves. I don't get it!

      Delete
    2. another introvert12:29 PM

      I agree with you, fellow introvert just as I also don't get why loud people hate shy people who keep to themselves. Heck, it makes me sick that they act as if they dominate this world. Why, I feel like I had to deal with them in school.

      As for you're not seeing anyone say I hate loud people, allow me to be the first: I hate loud people. Why, I remember reprimanding more than one of them for being loud before.

      Delete
  6. Anonymous8:14 PM

    I am a shy introvert too, but even I feel sorry for "hurting" some extroverts' feelings when I notice them believing I had been "rude" to them. I wouldn't want to cause them hurt. In their disappointment, they won't show up again. They judge me at the first encounter, and let that judgment be the basis of what they see in me as a person. Heartbreaking... But why should I act as if I wasn't shy and introvert? I wouldn't want to feign my personality just to make them appreciate me. What makes me so sad is that there are many people who prefer to not give a chance to shy introverts like us, and judge us as "boring" or somebody that is not worth their time.. Hmph.. after all, we can't please all people. They may accept me for what I am or not. I am myself, and I know I am not intentionally doing anything wrong to them.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great post. One time in high school I was standing by myself at lunch as I always did because I didn't really feel comfortable anywhere else, and this guy who was in one of my classes, who is extremely extroverted, in the debate club, tons of friends, came up to me and asked me "Why are you standing here by yourself? Don't you have friends? Why don't you talk? Do you think you're better than everyone else? Why do you think you're better than everyone?" And I just wanted to cry, run away, hide in a corner because it hurt so much because in actuality I feel just the opposite. I feel like I don't deserve to be around other people, I'm boring, I don't have anything to say, why should I waste their time?

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm glad you liked the post, Jay. I was a lot like you in high school. I never had any kid come up to me so blatantly to ask why I was quiet and had no friends, etc. That is some cold sh* right there, sorry that happened. Unfortunately as you know, that kind of stuff is pretty common even among adults. I'm still not sure why some extroverts feel it's their duty to socially police more quiet people. I honestly thought most people are too preoccupied with themselves to care much about others. Anyway, that douche nozzle and his ilk need a quick karate chop to the throat.

    ReplyDelete