About Me

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Pacific Northwest, United States
I am The Shytrovert a proud, moderately shy INFP and this is my blog. I write about society, relationships, current events and how shy and introverted folks can cope in an extroverted world.


Your shyness is not the enemy

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Your shyness is not an enemy.  So states an article Psych Central.  According to them, if you treat your shyness like it's a foe you have to wrestle to the ground it will only stress you out more when, say, you go balls out on a relaxation technique and it just doesn't help much.  Apparently 4 out of 5 shrinks think you're better off accepting your anxiety, thoughts and feelings.

From my experience this is true.  Even non-shy people feel butterflies from time to time when they need to speak to someone in authority or talk up in a meeting or everyone's worst nightmare- speak in front of a big group *shudder*.

That being the case though, I would advise against telling people you're shy unless you're demonstratively, stereotypically shy as I explained in this post

Otherwise, accept your shyness.  It's not that terrible.  Supposedly about half of all adults consider themselves shy, and that includes a lot of famous people

Shyness is a personality trait.  Extreme shyness, a.k.a. social anxiety disorder, is something that requires a good therapist.  You may find over time that you are less shy if it's just garden variety shyness.  In any case, you can learn to live with it and thrive.  REMEMBER: there is nothing the matter with being shy to the extent that it does not seriously curtail your life.

Look at me, I was super shy in junior high school all the way through college.  I mean I literally could not hold a conversation or make eye contact.  Over time by being forced out by my boyfriend I floundered hard in social situations until little by little with frequent exposure I became less anxious.  The severe butterflies went away, but I was still awkward and struggled at conversation.  That's when I got heavy into research and finding books that could help me and therapists that could help me like Dr. Renee Gilbert.  She used to be shy herself and conducted social skills classes.

Today while I am still shy (and introverted, too) I did manage to finish school, get a job, get a husband and a tiny circle of friends.  Acceptance was huge.  I don't think I would have made it this far if I didn't stop cursing and hating my shyness.  Some of us are shy, some of us are loud-mouthed bold people and some of us are loud-mouthed bold people in writing. Whatever your deal, respect yourself.

It takes all kinds.