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Pacific Northwest, United States
I am The Shytrovert a proud, moderately shy INFP and this is my blog. I write about society, relationships, current events and how shy and introverted folks can cope in an extroverted world.


Overheard on the Interwebs…Eating Disorder Double Standards

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I found this during my routine surfing adventures.  It’s a comment on a story about the increasing incidences of eating disorders among women 35 and older.  This post brings up an interesting issue, that there is a double standard in effect for those who have anorexia or bulimia versus those who have binge-eating disorder because the latter tend to be noticeably overweight.  A warning, this post is gritty, bitter and emotional – and that’s why I needed to share it. 
Anorexics get pitied and reassured. Bulemics get sympathy and understanding. ‘Oh, you're so brave, you just need to be strong. We can get through this.’
“Binge eaters and sugar addicts are referred to as "weak willed" or "gluttons," are beaten down, belittled and patronized, and get chided for being fat, unless they're not fat, in which case they get off scott-free.”
There is no kind, compassionate reassurance, there's just lots of disdain, disgust, mockery and abuse. Because we have one of "THOSE" disorders. The fatty disorders. The kind that makes ya fat, you fatty. Why you so fat? You're such a disgrace, to the whole human race, fatso. Put down the fork.
You might not think or say these things, but I assure you, most people hear "binge eating disorder" and think about a 600 pound Jabba scarfing down burgers like a cartoon character. Compassion and dignity is the furthest from their minds.
The compulsion to binge is just as strong as the compulsion to starve, but pardon them for not having the pretty, photogenic eating disorders.
It's all funny, right? Just hilarious jokes that for some reason only you can get in on.
Until your best friend dies because she failed to seek treatment for a treatable condition. Because she was convinced no one would help her, that no one could love her, that no one thought she was a mutually respectable human being. Because every day she'd walk home and get snorted at by passers-by, and the only way she could cope was to rely on comfort food.
Suddenly those fat jokes leave a sour aftertaste.
 Or maybe they don't.
 Maybe they're still just as funny to you.
Nothing funnier than a dead fatty, isn't there? I'd laugh with you, but she was one of my closest friends, so I don't feel much like sharing in the joke…


Somebody Needs to Fuck Up that Idiot Satoshi Kanazawa

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Psychology Today, a publication I will no longer read, allowed Evolutionary Psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa to post to its website  a supposedly objective study that proves black women are uglier on average than every other ethnicity.  Then, to add further to this ridiculous insult, they refused to remove the “study” from their website until after a firestorm that erupted worldwide of enraged (and sadly mostly black females) calling for them to do so.  It wasn’t until a whole week had passed that they decided to issue a formal apology.  In the Shytrovert’s humble opinion Kanazawa is a racist BITCH and the racist white folks he obviously was trying to impress don’t view him any favorably than they do blacks. So that makes him a fucking idiot too.  He has only proved one thing with his study. That racism against black people is alive and well.

No Study Needed To Know Black Women Devalued
Of course black women are perceived to be less attractive than other races of women.  Did we seriously need this piece of shit research to know that?  It's patently obvious to anyone with two eyes and a brain.  This is America, a country founded on white supremacy and keeping its foot on the neck of blacks and other racial so-called minorities for 400 years, people.  I was only offended by this study because it is RACIST.  Not because my feelings are hurt that, surprise, is a racist country that holds white is superior in every way, thinks I'm ugly.  I already knew that, and I have never bought into that.  I know who I am, and I know what this country is. 
I Know I'm Not Ugly
They say I'm ugly, but it doesn't stop the white, black, Asian, or Hispanic men from hitting on me non-withstanding my beautiful unlined chocolate colored skin, short natural hair, round a** curvaceous hips and high riding tittays.  I'm even married to a white guy.  I know I'm beautiful, and I know there exists a concerted, racially driven effort among many to try and disinvest me of this knowledge. 

The "Study" Is Part of A Backlash Against Black Women
This is a backlash, pure and simple. It’s well known that whenever a group begins to make strides, the powers that be will institute a mighty push back to shove that group back into its place.  So let’s see, who has been making strides of late? BLACK WOMEN.  We are going to school in ever higher numbers, we are in the public eye as media moguls, government officials, first ladies, we are in the workplace and we are marrying white men.  I am not worried about fools like Kanazawa.  I see his "study" and other bullshit denigrating the beauty and humanity of the black woman for what they are: the latest weapons in a war against me. A war being waged because of fear and envy and I refuse to buy into this shit.

Black Women Are Quite Feminine - Scientific Fact
And another thing, black women actually have more ESTROGEN than other women.  Wouldn’t it then follow that we are MORE feminine on average?  Hate propaganda like detritus Kanazawa had the balls to spew is precisely why I stopped trying to live up to a Eurocentric standard of beauty.  I realized that every time I paid a stylist to put dangerous chemicals on my hair to alter its natural texture I was unwittingly reinforcing the ideology of white supremacy and denigrating my unique African beauty.
I urge black women everywhere to take a courageous first step and STOP relaxing, weaving, and wearing colored contacts. Why should we mimic oppressive standards and give idiots ammunition to point to our actions as proof of their imagined superiority. If we don't show pride in who we really are and respect ourselves we can't expect anyone else to respect us. Lastly, black men: not enough of you stood up for us.  To those who did not and those who believe Kanazawa, suck a dick, bitches.  And don’t you ever glare at me again when I’m out with my white husband.  You know who you are.


Dieting? Keep your mouth shut and don’t tell anybody either…

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Go public with your weight loss plans - so advises Spark People, a website that encourages people to drop pounds through peer support and calorie counting. Have you heard this crap before?

According to Spark People:

"The more people who know about your goals, the more support you’ll get and the harder it will be to find places where you feel comfortable NOT doing what you’ve said you want to do. Sometimes, embarrassment and peer pressure can be your friends."

*The Shytrovert laughs uproariously* This is bullshit. I’ll tell you why, at least in my experience. When I began on my weight loss journey in 2003, the saboteurs crawled out of the wood work conspiring to keep me  tipping the scales at 195 lbs. Mind you; these weren’t jealous girlfriends or well-meaning co-workers who tried to make me feel better by saying “you,re not that big!”

No, these were people near and dear to me. Like the aunt that claimed that I was too old (30s) to be 120 lbs, my goal weight (Incidentally, 120 lbs is a perfectly reasonable weight for any woman who is 5’3” or 5’4”) or how about my significant other, sister, and girlfriends who would coax me to eat by saying “just one isn’t gonna kill you” or my personal favorite, “Don’t you want just a few fries?”

I’m sure everyone who has ever fought the battle of the bulge can relate to these anecdotes. The unfortunate truth is people don’t like it when you go changing on them. They are used to relating to you as you are, and if you change, by necessity they must also change – and they don’t like that. Sadly, support is not what you get when trying to lose weight unless you’re with people who are also trying to lose weight.

Trust me: your husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend/kids do not want you to take away the foods they like or adapt to your new eating plan and they sure as shit don’t want to get up before 6 a.m. to exercise. They may even feel guilty because they know they should do something about their health, but mentally they’re not there yet . Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s just human nature.

That’s why I am adamant about NOT involving the people close to you. If you can, don’t say a thing, because people suck and they will try to bring you down out of jealousy, fear or guilt. I know. I know. These are not nice things to think about your loved ones. But human nature doesn’t respect familial ties and if you want to get thin, you likely will have to do an end run around your saboteurs. I’m getting up just before six every day to exercise now. Studies have shown that people who exercise in the morning tend to stick with it – I imagine because there’s no bullshit to deal with in the wee hours, typically.

When I decided to cram exercise into my mornings, I didn’t tell my husband anything. That’s right. Love him, but he’s a saboteur. And he asks the most annoying questions. Are you losing weight yet? Is this all I get to eat? Why are you making separate nachos? Urgh!!!!! He’s one reason why I don’t talk about dieting or what I can or won’t eat. I eat whatever, in moderation. I never turn down food saying I’m on a diet.

My job is also rife with sabotage. My boss is the worse; always dolling out cookies and chocolate. No problem. I go ahead and accept them…into the garbage. That’s right. I have no compunction about throwing out “food” if need be. You can do the same.

Bottom line: losing weight requires doing whatever the hell you must to succeed. It is literally war. There are landmines everywhere and enemy combatants committed to your utter failure. Like a good general, you need to keep your plans close to the vest and take offensive action to deflect their attacks. The biggest saboteur you have to deal with is yourself. If you’re not managing your environment and setting yourself up to succeed you are planning to fail.

Ten Hut!


Overheard on the Interwebs – Beware the Woman Who Hates Other Women

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A guy asks for some advice about a nice-looking girl he wants to date but who has a ton of male friends. He wants to know if he should be concerned. HELL YEAH. My opinion is that women who hate other women are obviously self-hating. Just like the black men who ONLY have a preference for white, Asian, or Hispanic women or any woman - as long as she’s not black like him. This isn't preference, it's extreme prejudice, in The Shytrovert’s humble opinion. But self-hating black dudes are another post altogether. As for this woman hating woman, here’s the advice given to the guy, let’s call him Romeo, who wants to get jiggy with the chick-hater:

“If a woman says she does not like other women, what that really means is that she is "competitive" with other women. This also means her own sense of self, and self-validation, is contingent upon receiving *male* attention. This is not a healthy indication at all.”

Can I get an AMEN?

“…be wary of any woman who has NO female friends. It isn't jealously on the part of other women - plenty of extremely gorgeous women have loads of female friends - it's her and her own insecurities. I haven't had friends like that (of course) but when I've met women like that I've always sensed deep-seated anger issues. One guy I knew dated a girl like that and when he dumped her (she was hot but psycho) she carved his name + "is an asshole" AND his phone number all over the bathroom walls of a bar. Actually, come to think of it, most 'psycho-chicks' I've met didn't have female friends.”

Preach, girl.

So there you have it, Romeo. Girls who hate girls are angry, insecure bitches who probably hate their mommas.


Why can’t we just enjoy our food in this country?

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Only organic for you!

Recently at my job, some fitness experts have come in and started evangelizing for clean eating. You know, the organic this and the organic that people. All I could think about was how most people in America and the world have no choice as to whether their tomatoes don’t get sprayed with pesticides or whether their burger meat comes from a cow raised on grass. They simply can’t afford to have these concerns. Hell, I can’t really afford to! Besides, most people I know don’t eat organic foods, weren’t raised on organic foods, and guess what? They’re fine. No chronic ills, no protuberant physiques.

They don't call it that for nothing.

I must tell you, I can’t stand the whole yuppie I’m-eating-holier-than-thou patina of the clean food club. Annoying! I choose to eat in the same manner as the author of the book"French Women Don’t Get Fat", Mireille Guiliano: reasonable portions of good food that I love. Even though I was raised like most Americans on a diet of burgers, fries, pizza, hot dogs and soda, I’ve discovered that I don’t love most of that stuff enough to make it a large part of my diet. I do however love wine, espresso, dark chocolate, olives, avocados, spinach, berries, mangoes, bakery fresh breads, tofu, soy milk, Greek yogurt, cheese, eggs, fish (especially salmon), chicken, hamburgers, beans, brown rice, and soup. So my diet revolves around those main items because I really, really like eating these things. I also load myself up with fruits and vegetables, drink plenty of water, and walk a half an hour a day and lift light weights.

Mireille Guiliano, author of "French Women Don't Get Fat,... photo by Craig Lee / SFC
It's a paradox wrapped in a crepe and washed down with red wine.

I absolutely refuse to have complex about the foods I put in my body. Who wants to be the chick at the party who can’t eat anything or worse has to lecture everyone about how they shouldn’t be eating their nachos because of the saturated fat? I mean, seriously, do we need to do advanced calculus on every morsel we put to our lips? Eating is as much about pleasure as it is about nourishment, but I think we’ve lost sight of that in America. I just want to eat and enjoy my food. Don’t you?