Yeah, Quiet People ARE SNOBS

 

Yes, I am a snob. All of us quiet types are, your worst presuppositions are realized. In fact, I am right at this moment judging your hairstyle, the way you dress, your shoes and your general demeanor; which I find lacking, terribly, terribly lacking.   Oh, and another thing, I absolutely am plotting against you.  At this precise moment I know every single thing about you, your family, and your friends; knowledge I have gleaned over a number of painstaking months specifically so I can fire bomb and booby trap your homes so you will explore into a million bloody little pieces.  Because, y'know, it's always the quiet ones. 

 

We're just seething with homicidal intent being our sick, pathetic, quiet, judge-y, and aloof selves with our superiority complexes, waiting for the blessed day when we can destroy you.  Why?  Because fuck you, that's why. 

 

Stupid extroverts.  You think the world revolves around you.  Why else would you assume that a quiet human being minding their own damn business, who has never even interacted with your dumb ass, would just erroneously hate you for no good reason?  We're stuck up?  Seriously?  You ought to know that the true, stuck up alpha type is a loud, preening jackass that wants everyone within earshot to know how awesome they are.

 

Quiet people don't care about being at the top of the social food chain; in fact, most of us think it's as ass backward as you are.  So, let me sum up.  We are not stuck up, we do not think we’re better than you and we are not rude just because we are quiet.  I am not obligated to listen or respond to your diarrhea of the mouth narratives, nosy personal interrogations, or overtures to mind-numbing small talk. 

 

If you're going to call someone rude, at least learn what it actually means.  Asking someone who is a complete stranger probing, personal questions is rude, talking all loud on your cell phone in public is rude, and asking people why they're so quiet is rude.  Not being an extrovert or a cheerleader-car salesman – TV host type is NOT.  

 

Freaky Friday Tangent Post: Satan or Illuminati? The Answer rests in your MBTI

It’s a shytrovert quandary: I’m shy, so I feel awkward talking to others ( and consequently am not skilled at doing so) and I’m introverted, so I’m not that motivated to talk to most people either;  Particularly at work, where it seems to count the most. 

Have you ever noticed that the people who get promoted or manage others and make the most money are the ones who gadfly about making everything their business and asserting their will over their colleagues?  Not surprisingly, this is why most managers are extroverts.

Being a manager is about dealing with people.  Babysitting them and directing them.  Extroverts seem to love that kind of shit.  They want to be alpha and at the top of the heap.  It gives them a feeling of coolness and power that is irresistible.  These are the types of rewards many introverts could care less about, supposedly.

I could never be a manager.  I hate babysitting people and I deplore drama unless it’s a TV show or movie, because, you know I’m an observer and not personally involved.  I know many extroverts who would shrivel up and die without high drama in their lives, I suppose because it’s stimulating and extroverts need externally stimulation because they don’t have a lot of internal stimulation going on.  At least, a lot less than intros. 

Anyway, this leads me to segue into a weird place.  I love web surfing on topics that interest me like introvert/extrovert comparisons.  This English dude breaks it down in a philosophical manner that is interesting if not a tad bit disturbing and perhaps even elitist.  But, here is a highlight that explores the MBTI types so judge yourself:

Jung's Psychological Types

It was Jung who defined the two basic "attitudes": extravert and introvert. If you strongly exhibit one attitude in your conscious life then, he said, the other attitude becomes unconscious and acts in a compensatory manner i.e. if you are extravert normally, your unconscious will compensate by being introverted and in times of stress this unconscious attitude will erupt and take command of your consciousness until the stress is relieved and you return to normal. Extraverts and introverts tend to misunderstand each other. They have little liking and respect for each other.

Jung then defined a four-part psychic structure called the "quaternity". The ancient Greeks defined four different human temperaments ("humors"): choleric, melancholic, sanguine and phlegmatic, which arose from four qualities (hot, cold, dry and moist), and four basic elements (fire, earth, air and water). Nature has four seasons, the compass has four points, Buddhism has four noble truths, there are four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, four letters of the Tetragrammaton, four gospels. Four, to Jung, was an almost mystical number.

Jung's quaternity consisted of two opposite pairs: thinking and feeling, intuition and sensing. A thinking person is someone who likes to make judgments using the power of reason in preference to emotion and snap value judgments; a feeling person is guided by value-judgments and emotions rather than reason. An intuitive person is future-orientated and imaginative, their mind instantly trying to conclude what a present event means for the future; a sensing person lives in the moment with no regard to the future - his five senses are fully engaged, sucking in every detail. He lives in the "now" rather than a hypothetical future.

If you are a strong thinker, your feeling side will be pushed into your unconscious, and vice versa. If you are strongly intuitive, your sensing side will be pushed into your unconsciousness and vice versa. In times of crisis, these unconscious functions can erupt in uncontrolled and disturbing ways.

Jung argues that each of us is dominated by one of these four functions. Some of us are ruled by the thinking function, some by intuition, some by sensing and some by feeling. The opposite function (with the opposite attitude) then becomes unconscious. The other two become auxiliary functions, one of which will support the primary function (with the opposite attitude) and one of which will become unconscious (with the same attitude) to compensate.

The unconscious functions can play a huge role in our lives. The thinking person may react ferociously and with excessive emotion when others act irrationally. The feeling person, in a crisis, may try to adopt a thinking approach to get him out of it, but is likely to get it all wrong and reach terrible decisions that make his situation worse. The sensing type may suddenly be overwhelmed by intuitions that are chaotic and crazy and lead him to join cults and the like. The intuitive person, in stressful situations, may be overwhelmed by sensations and engage in entirely inappropriate sensation-seeking activities.

Repressed feelings manifest themselves in hysteria. Repressed sensing manifests itself in phobias, compulsions and obsessions. Repressed thinking manifests itself in dogmatic certainty. Repressed intuition manifests itself in wild speculation.

Good mental health involves trying to cultivate the repressed, unconscious function and make it conscious, and also bringing the remaining functions more into consciousness. A fully rounded person is someone who has a good, conscious balance of all four functions.

Jung's scheme leads to eight psychological types, in four pairs:

1) Introvert Thinking 2) Extravert Thinking

3) Introvert Feeling 4) Extravert Feeling

5) Introvert Intuition 6) Extravert Intuition

7) Introvert Sensing 8) Extravert Sensing
 
1)    INTROVERTED THINKERS are typically found among philosophers and theoretical scientists They construct grand, rational schemes that explain the whole of reality. They are not highly engaged with the normal world or normal people. They are obsessed with their own ideas and are always seeking the Holy Grail that furnishes all of the answers. Many members of the Illuminati are of this type.

2)    EXTROVERTED THINKERS can frequently be found among practical scientists, economists, lawyers and management consultants. They look for facts and evidence in the real world. They avoid speculation. They are much more interested in small, well-verified projects than the all-compassing grand schemes of the introverted thinkers.

3)    INTROVERTED FEELING types are typically found among poets, artists, musicians, monks and nuns. They can seem mysterious, enigmatic and appear as they though they are enjoying the most exquisite, overwhelming and profoundest feelings of which humans are capable. Their loves, their passions, their emotions, will always seem vastly more intense than those of others.

4)    EXTRAVERTED FEELING types are typically Hollywood actors, chat show hosts, public relations experts, media "personalities". They love making shows of their feelings and can often seem fickle and obsessed with fashion as they switch their passions from one thing to another. Their love lives can be chaotic as they can rapidly fall in and out of love. They crave social success and being in the limelight. Hollywood stars giving their tear-filled, melodramatic acceptance speeches at the Oscars ceremony sum up this type.

5)    INTROVERTED INTUITION types can be mystics, future-oriented poets, painters and writers, religious thinkers, authentic clairvoyants, authentic psychics, seers and visionaries. They often see themselves as unrecognized geniuses, unfairly overlooked by society, but with great and unique knowledge of esoteric, religious, scientific and philosophical matters at the most speculative end of the spectrum. Many members of the Illuminati are of this type. They can strike more "grounded" people as daydreamers, cranks, charlatans, people with unrealistic expectations, and people who go off on flights of fantasy.

6)    EXTRAVERTED INTUITION types are those who are quick to see and seize an opportunity. Entrepreneurs are of this type, and con men, scammers, carpetbaggers, and speculators. Many "conceptual" artists belong to this type. Public relations spokespeople, advertising bosses, illusionists, "magic" performers, fake psychics, adventurers and explorers are other examples of this type. They tend to manipulate people on the basis of future promises and dreams. The Old World Order contains many people of this type. Wall Street is full of them.

7)    Introverted sensing types are those who are almost overwhelmed by sensory information. They suck in and savor every detail. Connoisseurs, aesthetes, wine tasters, art critics, food critics, music critics and fashion critics are of this type.

8)    Extroverted sensation types are those who seek pleasure through their five senses. They aren't interested in the world of intuition and are firmly wedded to the physical world. They are practical and hard-headed, dealing strictly with the facts. They love eating, drinking, sex, speed, drugs, sports, dangerous sports, excitement, music, fashion. Their craving for novel sensations can lead them into addiction, compulsion and perversion. Racing drivers, sportsmen, film producers, many celebrities, music stars and leading actors are of this type. These types are particularly easily seduced by Satan and his archons. They are often extremely greedy because money gives them the ability to indulge their desire for sensual pleasures and the expensive habits they tend to acquire. These people love luxury. You will find the richest of them in the finest restaurants, enjoying the highest cuisine and most expensive wines. They will buy fast cars, yachts, and live in grand mansions. They love wearing bling and the most fashionable clothes. They are obsessed with signs of status, and are highly attuned to the most subtle differences and distinctions between people. They drip with gold and diamonds and can be extremely snobby. They like to travel to exotic destinations. The Old World Order contains many of this type. These are the people mired in materialism and sensation-seeking. Those of this type who are not rich are obsessed with computer and video games (as loud, realistic and violent as possible), action movies, driving fast cars, sex and drugs and rock 'n' roll, music festivals, beer festivals. They always walk around with headphones on, constantly listening to music. They can't bear being quiet and thinking private thoughts. These are the type most naturally inclined towards Satan. There is nothing spiritual and thoughtful about them. They are a huge obstacle to a better world because they drag everything back to materialism and sensationalism. They always need louder and bigger bangs for their buck. On Facebook, they endlessly stare at pictures. Lowbrow, noisy, speed-filled Hollywood action movies are targeted at them. They don't like reading or anything that takes them away from instant gratification.

In order to compensate for their weaknesses, it's not unusual for different types to seek relationships with those who have the opposite traits; introverts might seek out extraverts and vice versa, thinking types might seek feeling types and vice versa, sensing types might seek intuitive types and vice versa. They may think that they can become "whole" by being with someone who has the opposite qualities, but often they come into conflict, fail to understand each other and make each other unhappy. Equally, those who have relationships with those with identical psychological traits can magnify their problems. Two introverted thinkers coming together might become highly reclusive and withdraw from the world, preferring to remain in their world of inner thought. 

Hmn.  Let me know what you think in the comments section.

Shy Fictional Characters of Note

  Most people who were shy, love someone who is shy or are shy themselves know that living with a bashful disposition and navigating through a social world dominated by extroverts and outgoing types is no laughing matter.

From substance abuse to suicide, the ways some shy people have chosen to cope are heartbreaking.  Nevertheless, as much as shy people can be vilified and punished by the larger society simply for being, it has also rewarded us with some cultural touchstones that can help lighten our burden, at least for a little while.

What are those? Likable shy characters.  Here are a few of my favorites:

1. Shy Ronnie, SNL – of all such characters I probably relate the best with this creation of Andy Samberg formerly of SNL fame.  Ronnie is a painfully shy redhead who is also a rapper.  Unfortunately he always seems to clam up around his partner Rhianna, but as soon as she leaves the room he blows onlookers away with his awesomely aggressive rap style.  Like Ronnie, in my day-to-day life a gentle soul who’s bark is worse than her bite, but I let loose on this blog with bad words and everything!

2. Edward Scissorhands – As misunderstood android created by a lonely old man who dies before he can finish his hands, Edward, beautifully played by Johnny Depp says little but impresses with his ability to wield his sharp hands to create incredible works of art whether it’s a cool haircut or to create a hedge shaped like a dinosaur.  And even though people around him are cruel because he’s different, he remains gentle and kind.

3. Cat Woman/Selena Kyle – A beautiful and diligent single secretary Selena has a wild streak hiding just under the surface.  When she is kicked around one too many times by her evil boss, murdered even, she rises from the dead as the devastating anti-heroine cat woman.  Not exactly a villain not exactly a super heroine, Selena definitely proves that yep, still waters do indeed run deep.

So those are my offerings of interesting shy characters that make me feel a little better about myself.  What fictional shy folks do you know of and admire?  Share in the comment section, and let’s make this an evolving list together!

Positive Shyness

Shy Violet

Can shyness be a positive trait?  In this culture which so often touts outgoing “people-person” traits as best, being shy is often seen as something negative.  You are thought to be “submissive” and “one down” next to the hard-driving alphas of the world.  Even some introverted people, when trying to explain their temperament unwittingly put shyness in a negative light by quickly proclaiming “I’m not shy!” as if it’s a bad thing.

As a person who is both shy and introverted, I see positive aspects in both my temperament and personality type. To me, shyness is the opposite of boldness, and therefore a personality trait.  Not to be confused with Social Anxiety, which is shyness gone amok, and is a disease. 

Here’s a list of three positive characteristics of shyness from the website Beat Shyness Secrets:

1. Children utilize positive shyness as a defense mechanism. It is an innate instinct that a stranger may be bad, and it keeps children from volunteering for kidnappings. Outgoing children are not necessarily doomed, but shyness in children can provide an additional safety feature.

2. Shyness affords people time to acclimate to a new situation or scenario before they jump in. It can help you to slow down your interactions so your brain has the necessary time to sense danger or hidden traps.  Useful in cases when you start a new job, and you need time to determine the unspoken rules and codes of conduct.

3. Shyness gives people time to acclimate to one another and affords both parties a chance to present themselves tentatively. This time of slower interaction can decrease fear of rejection and can offer a chance to decide if a person is friend material or a danger. 

In addition some scientists believe that shyness may have evolved specifically to keep you safe. Being reserved and cautious can help you make better impressions and decisions.  

As Martha Stewart would say, “It’s a good thing.”

To Many Employers Introvert is a dirty word

  

This is an excerpt of a recent article I found (OK, it came from Google Search) about how "introvert" is thought of as a dirty word when it comes to employment and hiring.  Fancy That.  The writer is Renee DeCosky, and here’s what she has to say:

“Plenty of people talk about introversion like it’s an unattractive quality and some affliction that can’t be overcome. The truth is that introverts are just fueled differently than extroverts. We’re in our own heads quite often. The quieter we are, the more we’re thinking and generating ideas. It’s not that we don’t know or don’t “get it,” but we’re just considering all avenues. It’s not that we can’t work with clients, but that we like to think about our approach first. And it’s certainly not that we hate being around others and prefer only to work alone. In fact, I find that working as part of a small team can actually boost my “introvert superpowers.”

I agreed with her up until the last part.  I  prefer to work alone, but that's because I’m an intuitive and most people seem to be sensors.  This can be very frustrating; however, that’s another topic for another day.

Apparently lots of employees think introverts have nothing meaningful to contribute because they’re quiet or that they won’t fit in because they’re quiet.  This is balderdash, particularly when it comes to introverts who are not shy.  As we know, people confuse the two personality types consistently.

As a mixture of both, I have had my share of challenges interviewing for and keeping jobs.  Mostly it’s been due to my shyness – not seeming comfortable in social situations or passively waiting to be asked questions instead of truly participating in a discussion. Also, just plain social inexperience - not knowing what to say or how to act at certain points during an exchange.

Some of my problems with getting or keeping jobs have come down to my introversion and needing that time to process before answering or not seeming “enthusiastic,” which I’m convinced is another word for "extroverted."  I mean, is it really necessary to act like a cheerleader on cocaine to be an office jockey?

What’s so terrible about being an introvert?  Surely we have something to contribute to the workplace.  Ms. McCosky thinks so.  She offers up these three reasons to hire introverts:

1. Introverts think before they speak.

Every day there’s a story in the media of an employee (typically an extrovert) who does or says something to throw their company into a bad light, and the gaffe usually occurs on Facebook or Twitter.  How many careers do you suppose social networking sites have sunk? The truth is introverts are less likely to make off-the-cuff remarks or say things that can be misconstrued.  It's simply not our nature. We think through the consequences, and that’s why we generally  think before we open our pie holes.

2. Later on, introverts continue to generate ideas.

As people that like to take in information and ruminate on it, it’s only natural that some of an introvert’s best ideas come after the meeting or brainstorming session.  I’m thankful that my current boss is attuned to how introverts operate and their strengths they bring to the table. He wisely invites me to feel free to e-mail any cool ideas I might come up to him following a meeting.

3. Strategy is an Introvert thing.

Introverts are head cases, in a good way; as in we’re in our heads a lot, thinking about stuff and how we can approach and do stuff.  Because of this, many of us excel at strategy or can teach ourselves to excel at it.  For employers who need someone to weigh pros and cons or play Devil’s Advocate, an introvert is an excellent hire.  

Bottom line: Introverts can do as well on the job as any extrovert, and often excel in ways extroverts can’t.  We can also be successful in jobs typically the domain of extroverts, we only need to learn how to recognize and hone our strengths and then sell those strengths.

Recommended Books on Career and Business Success for Innies:

The Introvert’s Guide to Success in Business and Leadership, Lisa Petrilli ( eBook)

Why Should Extroverts Make all the Money? Frederica J. Balzano (Paperback)

The Successful Introvert: How to Enhance Your Job Search and Advance Your Career, Wendy Gelberg (paper back)

Self-Promotion for Introverts®: Get Heard More. Even If You Talk Less, Nancy Ancowitz (eBook)

Why am I so Quiet? I'm Crazy, of course. You knew that...

 
Ever wonder why nobody ever gets called out for talking too damn much?  Not in public anyway. Everybody just grins and bears loud people.  Oh, they'll say stuff about them, behind their backs.  But if you’re quiet, not bothering anyone, everybody wants to know why.  Well, if you’re crazy enough, like the Shytrovert, you can just start saying shit.  Crazy shit.  What kind of crazy shit?  How about these gems:

Why not act dumb, deaf or blind?  Their questions are asinine.

• What?  Quiet!  I am not!   Who’s saying that?  Why I oughta! Let me at ‘em!  Let me at ‘em I say!!!!
• What?  Why am I on a diet? 
• What?  Why don’t I try it?  Try what?
• I know you are but what am I?
• What? Why am I such a riot?
• Why don’t I fry it?  I’m not sure what you’re talking about but I can tell you that I recommend baking.  Baking is much healthier.
• You have got a lot of nerve asking me that!
• Why I never!
• Why are you so talky?
• Seriously?  How would I know?
• The same reason that…did you hear that?
• Oh my God.  Is it that noticeable? What should I do?  I’m so scared.  Hold me.

Faceless nutbar models the latest in crazywear.

After you get done spouting this nonsense, no one will ask you why you’re so quiet again.  The answer will be obvious: you’re insane. 

Overheard on the Interwebs…Eating Disorder Double Standards

  

I found this during my routine surfing adventures.  It’s a comment on a story about the increasing incidences of eating disorders among women 35 and older.  This post brings up an interesting issue, that there is a double standard in effect for those who have anorexia or bulimia versus those who have binge-eating disorder because the latter tend to be noticeably overweight.  A warning, this post is gritty, bitter and emotional – and that’s why I needed to share it. 

“Anorexics get pitied and reassured. Bulemics get sympathy and understanding. ‘Oh, you're so brave, you just need to be strong. We can get through this.’

“Binge eaters and sugar addicts are referred to as "weak willed" or "gluttons," are beaten down, belittled and patronized, and get chided for being fat, unless they're not fat, in which case they get off scott-free.”

There is no kind, compassionate reassurance, there's just lots of disdain, disgust, mockery and abuse. Because we have one of "THOSE" disorders. The fatty disorders. The kind that makes ya fat, you fatty. Why you so fat? You're such a disgrace, to the whole human race, fatso. Put down the fork.

You might not think or say these things, but I assure you, most people hear "binge eating disorder" and think about a 600 pound Jabba scarfing down burgers like a cartoon character. Compassion and dignity is the furthest from their minds.

The compulsion to binge is just as strong as the compulsion to starve, but pardon them for not having the pretty, photogenic eating disorders.

It's all funny, right? Just hilarious jokes that for some reason only you can get in on.

Until your best friend dies because she failed to seek treatment for a treatable condition. Because she was convinced no one would help her, that no one could love her, that no one thought she was a mutually respectable human being. Because every day she'd walk home and get snorted at by passers-by, and the only way she could cope was to rely on comfort food.

Suddenly those fat jokes leave a sour aftertaste.

 Or maybe they don't.

 Maybe they're still just as funny to you.

Nothing funnier than a dead fatty, isn't there? I'd laugh with you, but she was one of my closest friends, so I don't feel much like sharing in the joke…

Somebody Needs to Fuck Up that Idiot Satoshi Kanazawa

 

Psychology Today, a publication I will no longer read, allowed Evolutionary Psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa to post to its website  a supposedly objective study that proves black women are uglier on average than every other ethnicity.  Then, to add further to this ridiculous insult, they refused to remove the “study” from their website until after a firestorm that erupted worldwide of enraged (and sadly mostly black females) calling for them to do so.  It wasn’t until a whole week had passed that they decided to issue a formal apology.  In the Shytrovert’s humble opinion Kanazawa is a racist BITCH and the racist white folks he obviously was trying to impress don’t view him any favorably than they do blacks. So that makes him a fucking idiot too.  He has only proved one thing with his study. That racism against black people is alive and well.

No Study Needed To Know Black Women Devalued

Of course black women are perceived to be less attractive than other races of women.  Did we seriously need this piece of shit research to know that?  It's patently obvious to anyone with two eyes and a brain.  This is America, a country founded on white supremacy and keeping its foot on the neck of blacks and other racial so-called minorities for 400 years, people.  I was only offended by this study because it is RACIST.  Not because my feelings are hurt that, surprise, is a racist country that holds white is superior in every way, thinks I'm ugly.  I already knew that, and I have never bought into that.  I know who I am, and I know what this country is. 
I Know I'm Not Ugly

They say I'm ugly, but it doesn't stop the white, black, Asian, or Hispanic men from hitting on me non-withstanding my beautiful unlined chocolate colored skin, short natural hair, round a** curvaceous hips and high riding tittays.  I'm even married to a white guy.  I know I'm beautiful, and I know there exists a concerted, racially driven effort among many to try and disinvest me of this knowledge. 


The "Study" Is Part of A Backlash Against Black Women

This is a backlash, pure and simple. It’s well known that whenever a group begins to make strides, the powers that be will institute a mighty push back to shove that group back into its place.  So let’s see, who has been making strides of late? BLACK WOMEN.  We are going to school in ever higher numbers, we are in the public eye as media moguls, government officials, first ladies, we are in the workplace and we are marrying white men.  I am not worried about fools like Kanazawa.  I see his "study" and other bullshit denigrating the beauty and humanity of the black woman for what they are: the latest weapons in a war against me. A war being waged because of fear and envy and I refuse to buy into this shit.

Black Women Are Quite Feminine - Scientific Fact

And another thing, black women actually have more ESTROGEN than other women.  Wouldn’t it then follow that we are MORE feminine on average?  Hate propaganda like detritus Kanazawa had the balls to spew is precisely why I stopped trying to live up to a Eurocentric standard of beauty.  I realized that every time I paid a stylist to put dangerous chemicals on my hair to alter its natural texture I was unwittingly reinforcing the ideology of white supremacy and denigrating my unique African beauty.

I urge black women everywhere to take a courageous first step and STOP relaxing, weaving, and wearing colored contacts. Why should we mimic oppressive standards and give idiots ammunition to point to our actions as proof of their imagined superiority. If we don't show pride in who we really are and respect ourselves we can't expect anyone else to respect us. Lastly, black men: not enough of you stood up for us.  To those who did not and those who believe Kanazawa, suck a dick, bitches.  And don’t you ever glare at me again when I’m out with my white husband.  You know who you are.

Dieting? Keep your mouth shut and don’t tell anybody either…

 



Go public with your weight loss plans - so advises Spark People, a website that encourages people to drop pounds through peer support and calorie counting. Have you heard this crap before?

According to Spark People:

"The more people who know about your goals, the more support you’ll get and the harder it will be to find places where you feel comfortable NOT doing what you’ve said you want to do. Sometimes, embarrassment and peer pressure can be your friends."

*The Shytrovert laughs uproariously* This is bullshit. I’ll tell you why, at least in my experience. When I began on my weight loss journey in 2003, the saboteurs crawled out of the wood work conspiring to keep me  tipping the scales at 195 lbs. Mind you; these weren’t jealous girlfriends or well-meaning co-workers who tried to make me feel better by saying “you,re not that big!”

No, these were people near and dear to me. Like the aunt that claimed that I was too old (30s) to be 120 lbs, my goal weight (Incidentally, 120 lbs is a perfectly reasonable weight for any woman who is 5’3” or 5’4”) or how about my significant other, sister, and girlfriends who would coax me to eat by saying “just one isn’t gonna kill you” or my personal favorite, “Don’t you want just a few fries?”

I’m sure everyone who has ever fought the battle of the bulge can relate to these anecdotes. The unfortunate truth is people don’t like it when you go changing on them. They are used to relating to you as you are, and if you change, by necessity they must also change – and they don’t like that. Sadly, support is not what you get when trying to lose weight unless you’re with people who are also trying to lose weight.

Trust me: your husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend/kids do not want you to take away the foods they like or adapt to your new eating plan and they sure as shit don’t want to get up before 6 a.m. to exercise. They may even feel guilty because they know they should do something about their health, but mentally they’re not there yet . Don’t take it personally. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. It’s just human nature.

That’s why I am adamant about NOT involving the people close to you. If you can, don’t say a thing, because people suck and they will try to bring you down out of jealousy, fear or guilt. I know. I know. These are not nice things to think about your loved ones. But human nature doesn’t respect familial ties and if you want to get thin, you likely will have to do an end run around your saboteurs. I’m getting up just before six every day to exercise now. Studies have shown that people who exercise in the morning tend to stick with it – I imagine because there’s no bullshit to deal with in the wee hours, typically.

When I decided to cram exercise into my mornings, I didn’t tell my husband anything. That’s right. Love him, but he’s a saboteur. And he asks the most annoying questions. Are you losing weight yet? Is this all I get to eat? Why are you making separate nachos? Urgh!!!!! He’s one reason why I don’t talk about dieting or what I can or won’t eat. I eat whatever, in moderation. I never turn down food saying I’m on a diet.

My job is also rife with sabotage. My boss is the worse; always dolling out cookies and chocolate. No problem. I go ahead and accept them…into the garbage. That’s right. I have no compunction about throwing out “food” if need be. You can do the same.


Bottom line: losing weight requires doing whatever the hell you must to succeed. It is literally war. There are landmines everywhere and enemy combatants committed to your utter failure. Like a good general, you need to keep your plans close to the vest and take offensive action to deflect their attacks. The biggest saboteur you have to deal with is yourself. If you’re not managing your environment and setting yourself up to succeed you are planning to fail.

Ten Hut!

Overheard on the Interwebs – Beware the Woman Who Hates Other Women

A guy asks for some advice about a nice-looking girl he wants to date but who has a ton of male friends. He wants to know if he should be concerned. HELL YEAH. My opinion is that women who hate other women are obviously self-hating. Just like the black men who ONLY have a preference for white, Asian, or Hispanic women or any woman - as long as she’s not black like him. This isn't preference, it's extreme prejudice, in The Shytrovert’s humble opinion. But self-hating black dudes are another post altogether. As for this woman hating woman, here’s the advice given to the guy, let’s call him Romeo, who wants to get jiggy with the chick-hater:

“If a woman says she does not like other women, what that really means is that she is "competitive" with other women. This also means her own sense of self, and self-validation, is contingent upon receiving *male* attention. This is not a healthy indication at all.”

Can I get an AMEN?

“…be wary of any woman who has NO female friends. It isn't jealously on the part of other women - plenty of extremely gorgeous women have loads of female friends - it's her and her own insecurities. I haven't had friends like that (of course) but when I've met women like that I've always sensed deep-seated anger issues. One guy I knew dated a girl like that and when he dumped her (she was hot but psycho) she carved his name + "is an asshole" AND his phone number all over the bathroom walls of a bar. Actually, come to think of it, most 'psycho-chicks' I've met didn't have female friends.”

Preach, girl.

So there you have it, Romeo. Girls who hate girls are angry, insecure bitches who probably hate their mommas.

Why can’t we just enjoy our food in this country?

 

Only organic for you!

Recently at my job, some fitness experts have come in and started evangelizing for clean eating. You know, the organic this and the organic that people. All I could think about was how most people in America and the world have no choice as to whether their tomatoes don’t get sprayed with pesticides or whether their burger meat comes from a cow raised on grass. They simply can’t afford to have these concerns. Hell, I can’t really afford to! Besides, most people I know don’t eat organic foods, weren’t raised on organic foods, and guess what? They’re fine. No chronic ills, no protuberant physiques.

They don't call it that for nothing.

I must tell you, I can’t stand the whole yuppie I’m-eating-holier-than-thou patina of the clean food club. Annoying! I choose to eat in the same manner as the author of the book"French Women Don’t Get Fat", Mireille Guiliano: reasonable portions of good food that I love. Even though I was raised like most Americans on a diet of burgers, fries, pizza, hot dogs and soda, I’ve discovered that I don’t love most of that stuff enough to make it a large part of my diet. I do however love wine, espresso, dark chocolate, olives, avocados, spinach, berries, mangoes, bakery fresh breads, tofu, soy milk, Greek yogurt, cheese, eggs, fish (especially salmon), chicken, hamburgers, beans, brown rice, and soup. So my diet revolves around those main items because I really, really like eating these things. I also load myself up with fruits and vegetables, drink plenty of water, and walk a half an hour a day and lift light weights.

It's a paradox wrapped in a crepe and washed down with red wine.

I absolutely refuse to have complex about the foods I put in my body. Who wants to be the chick at the party who can’t eat anything or worse has to lecture everyone about how they shouldn’t be eating their nachos because of the saturated fat? I mean, seriously, do we need to do advanced calculus on every morsel we put to our lips? Eating is as much about pleasure as it is about nourishment, but I think we’ve lost sight of that in America. I just want to eat and enjoy my food. Don’t you?

WTF is Kwanzaa anyway? I’m glad you asked…

 

Today is the 4^th day of Kwanzaa, a holiday created in 1966 by Dr. Maulana Karenga a professor of Africana Studies at California State University--Long Beach. In the wake of the civil rights movement, black people were getting in touch with their heritage and feeling a renewed sense of pride.  Black history departments were burgeoning in American universities like UCLA and African states like Kenya and Botswana had gained their independence.  The time was ripe for a celebration of Pan- Africanism.

According to Dr. Karena:

“Kwanzaa is rooted in and developing out of the ancient origins of African first-fruit harvest celebrations and the modern origins of the Black Freedom Movement, Kwanzaa teaches and cultivates cultural grounding and ethical principles and practices dedicated to the cooperative creation and sharing of good in the world.”

Kwanzaa is a Swahili word that means first fruits of the harvest.  Karenga chose Swahili as the language of Kwanzaa because of its status as a sort of lingua franca in Africa. The holiday was intended as a celebration of history and a way for Africans in the Diaspora to celebrate their commonalities and come together in the spirit of brotherhood. 

Kwanzaa begins the day after Christmas and lasts until New Year’s Day.  The seven days of Kwanzaa are called Nguzo Sbaba (seven principles).  The ceremony of Kwanzaa involves a kinara (candleholder), Mkeka (mat), Kikombe cha Umoja (The Unity Cup) and Mishumaa Saba (The Seven Candles - three green, three red and one black) which symbolize the seven principles.  The colors of the candles are also symbolic:  black for the people, red for their struggles, and green for hope arising from their struggles.

The implements of Kwanzaa have a central place in the home.  The kinara goes on top of the Mkeka (mat) as does the Kikombe cha Umoja (unity cup) Mazao (crops), and two ears of corn to symbolize the children in the community.  Books on African culture and objects of African art are also placed next to the mat to reinforce the commitment to culture and education.  

Nguzo Saba

1.      Umoja (unity) symbolized by the black center candle on the kinara

2.      Kujichagulia (self-determination) symbolized by one of three red candles on the left

3.      Ujima (collective work and responsibility) symbolized by one of three red candles on the left

4.      Ujamaa (cooperative economics) symbolized by one of three red candles on the left

5.      Nia (purpose) symbolized by one of three black candles on the right

6.      Kuumba (creativity) symbolized by one of three black candles on the right

7.      Imani (faith) symbolized by one of three black candles on the right

The Kwanzaa Ceremony

On each day of Kwanzaa celebrates greet one another with: "Habari gani?" (What is the Word?) and answered with the corresponding Kwanzaa principle for that day, e.g., "Umoja", on the first day, "Kujichagulia", on the second, etc.
A candle is lit and a libation is poured to the ancestors in reverence and remembrance of those who taught us the good (Tamshi) in life.  Then a passage is read from a book that illustrates the principle of the day.  The celebration culminates in a feast (Karamu) and an exchange of gifts.  Generally, gifts are reserved for children and linked to education or cultural heritage.  

For more information about Kwanzaa and its history, visit Dr. Karenga’s website.  There’s also a cool film about Kwanzaa called The Black Candle.  Here's the trailer:

Overheard on the Interwebs: Newsflash Introverted Guys “Sensitive & Sweet”

Don't Overlook Strong Silent Types

I have a new column this month that I’m calling “Overheard on the Interwebs” I am a chronic surfer of all things that interest me, introversion being one of my top interests. I came across this touching story about a young lady who befriended an introverted guy and came to understand the treasure that so many of us can be. For any introverted guy out there who feels under-appreciated by the ladies, I dedicate this, my first “Overheard on the Interwebs,” to you:

“I had a good friend in college who was an introvert. He almost never left his apartment. He didn't like going out partying, but we'd get a beer together once in a while or walk to Geno’s for a cheese steak. We hung out almost every day. He was a great guy. He was very quiet, very shy (especially with women) and very sensitive and sweet. We could really talk about things and open up to each other. I felt totally relaxed around him. I remember telling him that he's the type of guy I'd like to be with someday. I cried when he graduated and moved away. He has a girlfriend now and I know he's a great boyfriend to her. I'm really glad he met someone who "gets him" and accepts him the way he is. Hopefully I meet a guy one day that has those qualities he had. I know there are women out there (including me) who'd really appreciate an introverted, shy guy...”


Very sweet.

Should you admit to people you are shy?

Various shyness experts around the blogosphere have suggested that if you’re a shy person you should admit this to others so as to avoid the misconception that you are aloof, unfriendly, or antisocial. However, given the propensity of folks to view shyness as a negative, how good an idea is this really? In my own experience, I have found it better to been seen as a snobby bitch-on-wheels than a weak, shrinking violet and potential pushover. Dr. Renee Gilbert, a Psychologist working out of Bellevue, Wash., has an intriguing perspective on the controversial issue of whether shy people should reveal or conceal. Here are her thoughts:

Your typical not-so-obvious shy woman 

“I think the problem arises because there are two ways to be shy--the obvious way and the not so obvious way. The obvious way to be shy is to blush, tremble, twitch or otherwise physically manifest your shyness. The not so obvious way is to avoid eye contact with people, not have much to say or decline offers from others you'd like to accept, but that are too far outside of your comfort zone for you to feel comfortable attending.

Not so obvious shy people are often mistaken as arrogant or aloof--even by fellow shy people--when nothing could be farther from the truth. We're terrified on the inside. It's just that we don't show it on the outside. Now granted, if you're a not so obvious shy person in the middle of a crucial business negotiation where power is everything, you may not want to admit to being shy. In fact, in this one case, your shyness may prove to be an asset. Why not keep them guessing? Or, if you're hanging around people who are known to be bullies or gossips--people who are likely to misuse the information--you may want to keep your shyness to yourself. The good news is that most people aren't like that. Most people are relieved to hear that you're shy. You see, odds are that unless they have a reason to know better, most people will interpret your not so obvious shyness as a sign of arrogance or being stuck up, or simply as a sign that you don't like them...

Your eyes are not deceiving you; I'm shy.

But if you are an obvious shy person, there's no need to hide your shyness. Let's face it. The word is already out. Trying to ignore your shyness only makes you and the people around you uncomfortable. Labeling your shyness makes things easier for people because they don't have to pretend they're not seeing what they're seeing. They don't have to avoid making eye contact with you, because they see you're uncomfortable. They don't have to exclude you from the conversation, because they see that your hands are trembling. By telling people you're shy, you've told them that you want to be a part of what's going on and that it's OK if they notice you're a little uncomfortable. And that helps them feel more comfortable, too.”


Source: http://www.shakeyourshyness.com/

So, there it is. If you're a not-so-obvious shy person, like yours truly, keep it to yourself. If you're obviously shy, may as well fess up.